you could probably teach a cat to bark, L. Cat's are sooooooooo smart. I bet you couldn't teach a dog to miow.
Teaching a dog to miaow is easy. Take your dog. Tie him to the back of your Ferrari or other high speed vehicle and then hit the accelerator - Miiiaaaaoooowww!
Teaching a cat to go "woof" is a little more difficult. Take your cat. Tie him/her/it up. Pour lighter fluid all over and then apply a lighted match. Result: Woof!